6 Things Young Engaged Couples Don't Want to Hear Anymore

Photo by Ambrose Schneider

I recently became engaged to my longtime girlfriend. Both of our families were extremely supportive and the overall response from friends was positive, however I picked up on some reoccurring questions and phrases that continued to come up in conversations I had with people. For the most part, these questions and phrases are things that specifically pertain to young couples. I can't imagine these things being regularly said to couples getting engaged in their upper twenties and thirties, so I found the difference in reactions to be interesting.

1. "How can you be sure he/she is the one you want to spend your life with?"

I'm a pretty big fan of Family Feud. Not too long ago I was watching an episode and the question asked 100 middle-aged women how long they would wait for a man to propose. The top answer surprised me. One year. That's it. 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days. Some young couples date for years and years before ever daring to publicly talk about marriage, yet it is normal for an engagement just a year or shorter into a relationship for middle-aged people. Does age accelerate the time it takes to develop a relationship and understand the other's weird quirks, food preferences, interests, hobbies, etc.? After thinking about it, I didn't think the survey was all that crazy. I knew I would marry my fiancé around the six month mark in our relationship. We were both still in high school. It doesn't take years to know it's the right person, but if you find that person too young, you might have to wait years until it is socially acceptable to get married.

2. "How do you plan on affording it?"

As a young kid, I was taught that it was rude to ask about people's finances. For example, my mom told me not to ask someone how much they make. See where I'm going with this? I can't imagine asking an engaged couple how they plan to budget for married life, yet young couples are often expected to provide a detailed financial plan to prove they can manage on their own. As a musician, I understand money is tight. My fiancé and I have known that fact for a long time, so we have been saving money for the last couple years, as most young couples will need to do. There are a fair number of adults who don't have their finances figured out, so a young couple shouldn't be held to a higher standard. If you can get by and are satisfied with that, that's all that matters.

3. "I guess it's time for you to get a real job."

As mentioned above, I am a musician. To compensate for the less than flattering pay, I have worked other jobs to pay for college and whatever other expenses I need. I'm not embarrassed by the jobs I've had because I know I'm doing what is necessary to continue playing music while also helping provide for my soon to be wife. I'm not sure if you have ever stepped inside of a fast-food restaurant, but if you have, I'm sure you have noticed it isn't just high schoolers and single people working. Plenty of people make a living working jobs that aren't glamorous or high paying. Would you tell them to get a real job if they were engaged? I understand it is normal to get a good job since I just graduated college, but I'd rather play music than have a high paying job. To return to my point above, if a couple is making enough to survive, it doesn't matter what job it is. There are no "fake" or "real" jobs.

4. "Are you sure you're old enough?"

Is yes too simple of an answer for this one? It's true that the progressing trend is that men and women are waiting longer to get married. There's nothing wrong with that, but I decided a while ago that waiting to get married wasn't for me. I'm now 21 and my fiancé is 19. I have graduated college and she has finished one year. After her undergrad she will be going on to grad school. Waiting a few more years would only delay what many young couples already know will happen. Marriage. Age is not a valid reason to delay the rest of your life with a person. At a certain point, age has little to do with readiness for marriage.

5. "You're giving up your social life."

Nope. I travel with my best friends playing shows all the time. Getting married won't change that. Even if getting married would cut down my time with friends as many marriages often do, it would be a trade I am ready and willing to accept. You're telling me by getting married I can now hang out with my best friend 24/7? That's not giving up a social life. That's gaining unlimited Netflix and a few extra pounds.

6. "Why don't you wait (insert reason)?"

...for both of you to graduate college, until you grow up a little more, until you have a more stable job, on and on. If young couples waited until everything was perfect and figured out in their lives before they got married, the save the dates would never be mailed. Waiting for all that, at least in my case and I'm guessing with other young couples as well, would only lead to frustration. Everything doesn't have to be perfect to tie the knot. As long as there is a decent plan in place for the future, there isn't a good reason for young couples to delay getting married.

#marriage #engaged #wedding #youngcouples #love